5 am post

Okay it's 5 am and I can't sleep, forgive my bad writing and lack of coherent speech.

Well, there are 3 people that flirted with me today... That's alot. I don't know how to react when someone flirts with you but your not really interested you know. Anyways, it got me thinking, in 2011 theres already 15 people who seriously flirted with me... 15! That's 5 people a month! I think it's way too much. The worst thing is that either It wouldn't work out because we're too different people in my opinion or they live so far away that it's not even worth the bother or they don't want an actual relationship which is what I am looking for. Anyways, 15 people, I went out with only one of them and it wasn't successfull.

I don't know, I used to be the kid everyone wanted to be friends with but nothing more. I'm not good at suddently handling people having crushes on me. I don't want to hurt anybody while at the same time I don't want to lead them on. But how can I turn 15 people away when in the past I've been wishing so much for at least one person to like me that way.

I don't know what else I can say on the that so i'll just change subject :P


I'll just go on to say that I love people. In general i really do love people. Almost everytime I meet someone, I think they are pretty cool. Out of everyone I ever met, there are very few people that I disliked, in fact I'll just think back and remember exactly how many... 7. I have disliked 7 people that I actually got to know in my entire life. Out of all the people I remember from my life, and there are many, there are only 7 that I really dislike. Out of those 7, theres only one that I truly hate. And by hate I mean hate. I mean if I could either save his life or just run away without no one ever knowing I was there... I'd leave. I don't like feeling this way, but I do. I live my life by trying to be nice to people and I've always thought that if your nice to people, people will be nicer in general too and it'll be a much better world. However, no matter how hard I would try, I don't think I could ever be nice to him. This kid made my life a living hell when I was 12-15. He made me want to kill myself a couple times. He was a big bully. Just thinking about it even today makes me angry. I don't see how someone can be so degrating towards others. I still wonder sometimes what it got him to make me and others feel so bad about ourselves. Now I'm older and I know I'm a much better person than he is and than he'll ever be. But I just can't get over my anger against him. I despise him.

I'm sorry I just thought about him today and felt angry and I really had to vent.

seeya guys