Too good to be true

Well I guess thats over, now I have another gay friend but definately no boyfriend. The guy I did stuff with like 2 weeks ago was supposed to come at my place yesterday and he finally told me at the last minute that he wouldn't come and I talked to him that night on MSN, in that conversation I told him that if he didn't want to come he should have just told me before and stuff and that I should have seen it coming since people told me he usually did that. After I said that he was really pissed at our friends and was like thats not true and stuff (although I'm sorry, but it fucking is true). Than we talked some more and at one point I asked him I he had something for Nick (Maude told me he did) and he answered that he didn't have anything for Nick...but not for me either.

We talked a ittle more after that about other stuff and he knew I was down and he was also invited to something on friday and said he didn't know if he was going to come because : it would destroy him to see me down" Yeah so you bring me down and than you don't want to deal with it! Like he knew I had something for him from the start and he never told me he didn't feel the same way about me, we also made plans to see eachother and he backed out both times and than decides not to come to a party because he doesn't want to see me sad. Oh yeah, and after all that, he says he still wants to see me because I'm a good person. Yeah right!

I actually didn't really react, I was down but I could stil laugh and talk to my friends, exept my level of emotions (which is usually very high) is like really low, its like I just shut down my emotions, I didn't cry and I could function and everything, but when I was with my friends I didn't really have fun, I was just there... I hate it! I just felt like shit the whole day and when I saw people that I didn't see in a while I just acted as if I was happy and normal and it was just the hardest thing ever.

Oh yeah, he isn't out so i have to lie to my friends and I really hate that, I hope he tells everyone soon because this is killing me. It was hard when I felt like we had something good, now it's even harder when I know he just slept with me because he was horny.

Yeah I'm not really happy, it's like I just pour out my emotions that I had to keep all day on here, sorry...

I'll try to end on a lighter note, one of my friends is coming over to my parent's place with me this weekend, theres a party friday night and one sunday and theres a little gathering at my place on monday. Oh yeah and we have school off on monday and tuesday

Yeah, that's a little better!

Seeya!