Well...

Yeah so I acted really impulsively friday, I do not have anything for Nick and I feel more and more like what I did friday was a mistake. He also felt kind of bad about it, but he was actually was very interested in me, alot more than I was with him. Saturday, I saw him and I talked to him about how it was going too fast and that it couldn't happen right now and it was incredibly hard. I just felt like I was giving him hopes friday and just tearing it down saturday. But the thing is, we were both drunk friday. I know alcohol is not an excuse because it just kind of boosts your emotions but I don't think I would have kissed him normally. Also our friends were like putting pressure on us because we would have been like the first gay couple in the gang and they were really exited, but it was a little too much to bear.

So yeah, it didn't work out with Nick but I'm pretty sure I didn't hurt him too much, and I helped him with his coming out...

BUT! I had a great day monday, two of my friends were broken up and I helped them get back together! I was like crying as they were talking together, it was really cute! Also, I talked to Sam and he told me that he loved me more than his girlfriend... which is kind of weird but I was happy (I don't like his GF). I was talking to him and I told him that I thought he was still with her because she was the one girl in our group who was the best match with him psycologically. He agreed (meaning : I don't love her, I just don't want to be alone and she is the best one I met so far) and than I asked him : What about me? He said that he couldn't go out with me because I was the one to whom he would talk to and if he was going out with me, he wouldn't be able to talk to me about me.

It's SO weird, I mean he is straight and he actually told me that he had never even thought that way about a guy. But it's like he doesn't think of me as a guy. Because he knows and said that he loves me, but not physically. So basically right now, I am closer to him than anyone else, we care more about eachother than anyone else (he made it clear that if his GF gets jealous of me she is in trouble) but he isn't attracted to me. So we are like in a couple, but without sex. Which, to be honnest, I don't care! He loves me and I love him and I do not care if he isn't attracted to me, he is just going to be my best friend forever and I am not even interested in finding someone to go out with right now, because I would see him less and I don't want that.

So yeah, that is my weird life right now, I reject guys because I am in love with my best friend and I finally told him and he is happy, although he is scared of hurting me, but I'm just very happy right now so it doesn't matter!

Anyways, seeya!