Happy Halloween!

Hey guys!

It's halloween!!! Yay!

I really love this time of year. Anyways, I've been really busy with making my halloween costume but it was deffinately worth it! I won third place in our school for best costume! :) :)

Also Matt came over to my place thursday/friday and it was pretty cool, he's a bit childish at times tho... It can be refreshing but can also be annoying especially when you'r trying to sleep. It was fun anyways.

I am going to go to my friend's house tonight to give candy to kids. Yay! We are going to be a bunch of people there so its going to be fun and we've got a theme for our costumes so we all fit together, it's pretty nice.

I know usually I post more often than I did lately and I talk alot more about stuff than I did in today's post but idk, I'm not really feeling like posting lots these days, I guess i feel a bit lonely to be honest. It should pass tho, it always does. When I feel better I'll go back to posting more regularly I hope.

Anyways I'll see you guys around!

Sorry for not posting

Yeah I'm lazy, I just didn't feel like writing anything so I decided not to :P

I've been doing really good in general, school is going great and I have plans for the future.

There hasn't been alot going on lately with me but I like it that way, its a bit boring for this blog tho :P

What I can say is that one of my friends just got engaged. Normally, people are happy for those who get engaged. However in this case, it's just ridiculous. There isn't one of my friends i talked to who thinks it's going to work. Let me describe the situation a bit. They went out for a while and broke up about 9 times so far. The girl is incredibly controlling in a really bad way. The guy changes his mind about things pretty often and already has a bit of a story with another girl. They were broken up for a while now and I thought it was it and then one day he just asked her to marry him and she said yes. She says that engagement is going to be good for their couple... Since when is asking someone to marry you a way to solve your problems? Thats not what it was meant to be and thats a big reason why I think it won't work out. Btw they are both 18...

Anyways, I didn't really have anything else to say so that's it for today.

Seeya!

long post...

Hey guys!

I am a really bad kid lol. Even tho I said I didn't want it happening again with Julien well... It did happen. And this time, I just feel like it was fun, I liked it and I don't feel used or like I used him at all. It just felt like we both wanted something, which we both got and than we parted ways.

It's not the kind of relationship I really want in life and if I go on doing only things like that with guys, I think I will be unhappy in the end. BUT for now at least I am satisfied in that way and theres no feelings being crushed since well, I don't have much feelings left for him.

Anyways, I dont fear falling in love with him at all so its good. And I don't think we'll do this often because well, its not really on my priority list :P

I'm just kinda sad that it still comes down to having meaningless sex when I really want to be close to someone.

Talking of being close to someone. I know I barely talk about Matt on this blog (he's my friend from my old school who lives like 45 minutes from my parent's place) but he is really important to me. He's become the person closest to me right now and it's because he's not afraid of homosexuality like Sam is.

Let me explain. Sam used to hug me or things like that but only in private and he would never admit it in front of someone else. He was just afraid that if he became too close to me, people would think he was gay 2. I find that totally stupid btw. Matt on the other hand doesn't care about what other people think and isn't afraid of being called gay, mainly because he knows he isn't and also because he's not grossed out by other guys either. So yeah, at times we would watch a movie and I'd lay my head on him and it was just normal. I don't think I would do that with any other guy, maybe Julien sometimes but again, that is because we usually both want something else to come out of that while with Matt, its just watching a movie you know.

Anyways, I went over to his place this week and I slept over. It was really fun and we watched Kick-Ass which is better than I thought it would be, its actually pretty good and the little girl is epic! I kinda miss him at times because we dont see eachother that often, which is why I dont post about him often. He's a really nice guy tho, I feel close to him and I know we aren't going to end up together and like thats whats cool about it. I dont really know how to explain it lol nvm.

This post is so much longer than I originally thought it would be lol. It still covered 2 subjects that are kinda important so still, it aint that bad. Anyways, I should go.

Seeya!

Sam

Hey guys!

This is probably the last post that is completely about Sam. Reason why : I am not really close to him anymore.

You guys probably figured that out since I barely included him in my posts lately, usualy only to say he was with my roommate. Well that reflects the reality. He is being very anti-social right now and is that way to pretty much everyone. I've slowly come to realise that he does alot to help out other people when he has a goal to achieve and that those people can help him reach it.

Thats why he did so much for me this summer, because he was trying to date my roommate. Ever since that became a reality. He hasn't been there for me, he doesn't care about how I feel, he barely talks to me. To say it simply, he does the minimal to say that were atleast friends so that he still feels welcomed around me and, more importantly, that my roommate doesn't feel like its pissing me off that he is around.

Thats what is happening right now. I did a little test on my own to find out if he was doing things as my friend for that purpose or so that my roommate would think were friends. I have kept saying to her he was my best friend, while in reality barely even talked to him when we were around eachother while actually talking to him if he initiated it. Result : he doesnt give a shit.

Therefore, I really came to realise that he's an ass, not only that, he's a hypocritical ass. After the experience of the last month or so, I really barely talk to him and dont even want to consider him as a friend. So right now he is my roommate's girlfriend and will stay that way.

PS. I probably won't say anything about that to him, I don't think he cares anyways. We're not close at all and when I feel like talking to someone, I don't want to talk to him so why should I?

Everything is good!

Hey guys!

I'll pick up where I left off at the last post. The morning after the party, I went back to my place and did some stuff to prep for halloween. After that, I went to Nick's place to watch movies with friends. We were 6, including Nick and Julien. Since it was just movies, dont worry, nothing happened between any of us. We than went to a Tim Hortons (Donut place) and ate there, we actually saw my other friend who was working there so it was pretty fun. After that, three of them came to my place, still including Julien and Nick. They left at about midnight.

On sunday we had nothing planned but we wanted to do stuff so 6 of my friends ended up coming here, this time Julien didn't come tho, and we had lots of fun. We played video games and were singing old songs like "Hopelessely devoted to you" and "My heart will go on" because we were trying to find a song for my friend that she can skate on, you know as her music while she does her choreography.

Today I woke up kinda late and i had to study for a philosophy exam. I studied like 45 minutes in the morning and than took the test. It was really east and took me about 15 minutes. I got my grade later in the day... 7 out of 7. Yeah, really easy :P My french class was cancelled so I got to go back home to eat before drama club. I went there, had fun and actually tried to volounteer a bit more. It was fun and this time it was more about characters that I can actually play because all the other ones before were characters that really didn't fit me and my energy. Anyways, i'm starting to really like it, and the people are nice. Yay!

So yeah, thats it, I don't really have anything else interesting to say so I'm going to go.

Have fun with your lives! :)

Party

Hey guys!

If you read my last post or the one before or something... you know that I went to a party yesterday night. Well it was pretty crazy at first but it calmed down into something we are used to by the end.

The first thing that happened is 3 people didn't pay at the restaurent and left, which caused some of my friends to get stuck at the restaurent because they were sayingthat some people didn't pay. It took a while but we finally found out who it was and they paid and everything was fine but it pissed off alot of people...

Anyways, we than went to Julien's house and started the party, which was prettynice, no one got sick, some people were a little gone but that always happens. I almost didn't drink so in the end I was one of the people taking care of things.

It was cool tho, because alot of people were dancing this time so it was always moving and not just sitting and talking like some other times. And the music was kinda nice.

BUT what happened that I'm not hapy about nor proud of. Julien was flirting with me alot but I wasn't really giving into it. As the night progressed he started doing it more and more. I was feeling kinda hopefull by the end but than I saw him kissing Nick a bit later and I just felt like he was just playing with us, like cmon man choose!

But since I didn't bring anything to sleep in, I did sleep with Julien anyways and we talked and we started doing some stuff which now I kinda regret. I hate how I suck at resisting him and I feel I kinda deserve it to be stuck like this since I never do anything to get out of that situation really...

I'm confused right now, that's how I would say it. I just hope it wasn't meaningless again but I think it probably is for him, as always.

Tomorrow!

Hey!

I hope you guys are doing well, I myself am doing pretty good, I have some school work but nothing that bad. BUT I've been talking to Julien quite a bit and it's helped me feel better even if it didn't work out with the other guy. I'm not back in love with Julien tho, we are just talking as friends and its pretty cool, I'm spending the whole day tomorrow with him tho. I'm taking him to his driving exam, than I'm giving him a lift to our friend's birthday dinner and than theres a party at Julien's house, which I'm going to go to.

Anyways, it should be a fun day, when I'm alone with him, its usually always nice, its going to be spent as friends tho and I made a promise to myself awhile ago to never to it with him unless i was actually going out with him. I intend to keep it and i don't think he wants to go out with me and I don't even think I want to go out with him. SO it should not happen tomorrow!

Anyways, I have something with Sam also on sunday and he'll be there at the friend's dinner party so I'll see him quite a bit tomorrow 2, he is also coming over here tonight, he should get here kinda soon actually.

Seeya!

100th post fail

Hey guys!

This is my 100th post and usually people do something special for that but I didn't plan anything so I guess I'll just say : 100th post yay!

Also! I wanted to tell you guys that I just got told "I'd like to see you again but more as a friend" by the date guy so I probably won't see him again :P too bad.

Just as I say goodbye to the opportunity to have a boyfriend, Julien starts talking to me alot again and I am supposed to see him on friday since I'm the one who is taking him to his driving test because his parents are in Italy, also friday night, big party at his house for our other friend's 18th birthday.

Last time we had a party at Julien's house, he kinda tried to rape me lol so we'll see what happens, to be honest, I'm half worried half hopefull about something happening with him.

I don't know, being alone is annoying but it really looks like every time I try to have someone it doesn't work out. If he tries to just have sex tho I hope I'll resist, I really don't need that right now.

Well thats all, I hope you guys had good days...

National Coming Out Day

Hey guys! Today is national coming out day, I litterally found out today and I don't even remember how I did :P

Anyways, I don't know about you but I don't really follow the special LGBT days like this one or gay pride week or when the gay parades are. But since I somehow found out it was today I told myself that if an opportunity came to say it to someone who doesn't know it, I would.

I was surprised when it actually came. It was during a play rehearsal at some point pretty much everyone was talking and the girls near me were talking about giving blood which is kinda important since it can save life and the girl next to me said that she couldn't give blood, so I said me neither. Another girl asked to us why? (And she thought we had some stupid reasons) The girl said she didn't weight ennough (you know theres a minimum weight or else it becomes a bit dangerous) and I said because gays can't give blood (which is true at least here, in Canada).

So yeah some random girls i had talked to about twice before now know I'm gay. Since I'm out to most people (and everyone that I saw today) there wasn't much more I could do.

Saying that, I am thinking more and more about coming out to my extended family. I have more and more cousins on facebook so it's getting risky that they could find out with that. Also, if I get a boyfriend, I don't want to hide it from them. Coming out to them is something that might happen before 2011 so I am probably going to talk more about it soon, it's really something I fear and have mixed feelings about.

Anyways, see you guys!

probably uninteresting post

Hey guys!

Today was fun, the guests we had were awesome and everything was fine, the morning of cleaning up wasn't that bad and it was deffinately worth it for the evening and now the house is all clean, yay!

Tomorrow I'm going to see my friends and were playing a board game that one of them invented, it is supposed to be pretty cool and I'm sure it is! That guy is really interesting, he's barely 20 and he has done more than twice of what I did in my life :P

Also I'm going to contact date guy tomorrow evening, probably via facebook, if I don't get any news from him before than. I wonder what he thinks about me...

PS. I have a question, does anyone know how to do a poll with this? I haven't really looked and it might be really easy, I just don't know...

Start of the weekend

Hey guys!

The start of the weekend was good, my class friday afternoon was cancelled so I got to leave early and go to my parents house with a friend. That evening we went to see Matt and it was pretty cool, we played video games with Matt's little brother and his friend so we were like 5 guys playing video games... Pretty typical :P

It was fun tho, than the two younger guys left and it was me, Matt and my other friend and we played Mario Party, and I failed miserably. We talked for awhile and than me and my friend left, I dropped him off at his cottage (which is close to my parent's house) and I went home.

Today I went to get my sister so I left in the morning and spent the whole day with her, she had things to do and i helped her out. It was a nice day and we were with her boyfriend for half of it so I got to know him a little more, he's a nice guy so I'm happy for her.

Than we got back home and tomorrow we are going to have a cleanup of the house morning and we have visit in the afternoon. So yeah tomorrow is going to be a bit boring until the visit comes so I hope they get here early :P

Well, that's all, theres not much news on the date situation, I might try to contact him on monday if i don't have any news but I don't want to seem too needy you know...

Seeya!

WTF!

I'm pretty happy I have a blog right now cuz I really need to just say what happened today and I don't really feel like talking to any of my friends.

I had the date #2 today. It was supposed to be at 12 : 30 and to be me, him and my roommate (who knows both of us). Anyways, my roommate had lots of homeworks so she decided to do that instead. So she texts him and than he says that he also has homework so he can't come at 12 : 30 because he would like to do his homework before going to the movie.

So yeah, my roommate thought he meant that he wouldn't go at all but in fact he just meant to go later, which we did.

So me and him met at the metro station at 3 : 30 and we went to see the movie, which is about a war somewhere and pretty dramatic, I wouldn't recommend it for a date but we both had to watch it for school.

So yeah during the movie we didn't talk or anything, nor did we touch in any way. I tried to look at him like 3 times but he didn't look at me and I don't know if he did during the movie at other times but yeah it was meh...

Than the movie ends on a dramatic note (btw I knew how it would end because I read the book before, he didn't read the book so he probably had no idea what would happen) and we get out. The only thing he said to me was "Can I go home by myself?"

I was very surprised, like I didn't expect that at all and i just said "yeah" and he started walking pretty fast and I was just super surprised...

I really don't know what that was about but I mean, its not normal. Atleast I don't know anyone who would do that, especially on a date, so I just don't know how to react.

So yeah thats it... Pretty shitty date, I would say...

Date!

OMG guys!

This summer, Sam and his colleague were talking and they realised that they both had a gay friend who wanted to meet someone and maybe get a date and stuff, (Sam's friend was me btw). Anyways, they arranged a sort of date this summer but it didn't work and we never actually got to talk to eachother.

BUT, it turns out that this guy is in one of my roommate's classes this semester so she talked to him to tell him she was my roommate. They started to send messages on facebook alot and we arranged to meet for movies today at around 6 something, which we did. We got to the theater but the movie we had to see (we all had to see the same one for school) was sold out. So we decided to go eat instead.

It was really cool, he is smart, pretty nice and pretty cute and he makes me think of alot of my friends all put together :P Anyways, I don't expect too much but i'm pretty happy with how it went.

Btw, we arranged to go to see the movie on thursday, we both have off and my roommate starts classes at 4 pm so we'll go during the day, it won't be sold out then :P

seeya! :) :) :)

Weekend

Hey guys!

just a quick post to say I've had an exam today and it went well. I should have a pretty good grade so I'm pretty happy :)

Also I'll be going to Matt's tomorrow and will be spending the night there so I prob won't post tomorrow and depending on how much school work I do, I might not post until like tuesday because of homeworks. Anyways, we'll see what happens.

seeya guys! Hope you all have a great weekend!