long post...

Hey guys!

I am a really bad kid lol. Even tho I said I didn't want it happening again with Julien well... It did happen. And this time, I just feel like it was fun, I liked it and I don't feel used or like I used him at all. It just felt like we both wanted something, which we both got and than we parted ways.

It's not the kind of relationship I really want in life and if I go on doing only things like that with guys, I think I will be unhappy in the end. BUT for now at least I am satisfied in that way and theres no feelings being crushed since well, I don't have much feelings left for him.

Anyways, I dont fear falling in love with him at all so its good. And I don't think we'll do this often because well, its not really on my priority list :P

I'm just kinda sad that it still comes down to having meaningless sex when I really want to be close to someone.

Talking of being close to someone. I know I barely talk about Matt on this blog (he's my friend from my old school who lives like 45 minutes from my parent's place) but he is really important to me. He's become the person closest to me right now and it's because he's not afraid of homosexuality like Sam is.

Let me explain. Sam used to hug me or things like that but only in private and he would never admit it in front of someone else. He was just afraid that if he became too close to me, people would think he was gay 2. I find that totally stupid btw. Matt on the other hand doesn't care about what other people think and isn't afraid of being called gay, mainly because he knows he isn't and also because he's not grossed out by other guys either. So yeah, at times we would watch a movie and I'd lay my head on him and it was just normal. I don't think I would do that with any other guy, maybe Julien sometimes but again, that is because we usually both want something else to come out of that while with Matt, its just watching a movie you know.

Anyways, I went over to his place this week and I slept over. It was really fun and we watched Kick-Ass which is better than I thought it would be, its actually pretty good and the little girl is epic! I kinda miss him at times because we dont see eachother that often, which is why I dont post about him often. He's a really nice guy tho, I feel close to him and I know we aren't going to end up together and like thats whats cool about it. I dont really know how to explain it lol nvm.

This post is so much longer than I originally thought it would be lol. It still covered 2 subjects that are kinda important so still, it aint that bad. Anyways, I should go.

Seeya!