Well in all fairness it wasn't really his fault (which he pointed out). We both knew the risks when we engaged ourselves in that little advanture. What pisses me off a little is that I tried to help him when he got problems out of this and he just doesn't try to help me out when I do.
Let me explain a little.
Some people started to find out about us and the one thing he didn't want was for people to know about it. I had to lie to my friends alot and that is not something I like doing. When I had problems with Sam, they started in part because he knew I was lying to him about something. I made sacrifices to keep him from feeling even more uneasy about things. To help him out when things didn't go the way he wanted.
But now I have problems that came from our little thing. I fell for him and now I can't concentrate, I think about him too much (as you probably came to realise :P), in short, I can't seem to move on. He knows this now because I told him. I asked him to just tell me i had no chance with him, which if he did, I would have been able to just move on but he doesn't even want to do this for me. I am stuck and he knows it and I feel like he doesn't care or even worse, he wants to keep it like that.
Even tho I say I'm pissed at him, I really have mixed feelings because right now he is just being nice to me and we are having a good conversation. While his intentions are very normal (he just wants to talk to his friend), my stupid brain just keeps on trying to find clues or reasons behind him talking to me. Like an idiot, I tell myself that since he talks to me more than usual right now it must be because he wants to keep me in love with him in case he feels the need to do it. While the real reason is apparent and is because I am online more than usual and at this time theres not really anyone else to talk to.
Meh, I am overanalysing thing again it happens sometimes, and I don't make any sence because I go much too far.
Let's change subject because this is annoying me.
Sam went to my place this weekend while I was away at my parents house. He fed my fish (because I asked him to, what a nice friend) but he stayed there to do homework. It seems like he went in my bed because it was all over the place. I really hope he didn't do it with his girlfriend on my bed, I told him I didn't want him to do that. I don't think he did but we never know. I'm seeing him tomorrow so I'll ask him if he did.
Okay I am also in a dilemma. I kinda really want to meet someone right now because I'm really getting desperate but there are alot of things that stand in the way of this.
Number 1 : I am still not over Julien and I don't want to put someone in a situation where he would like me but I'd be in love with someone else.
Number 2 : there are places where you can meet gay guys around here but I found most of them were weird and I don't really know how to meet gays that are my type of people.
Number 3 : I know there is internet, but I kinda feel uneasy at having my pics on the internet (which is why you guys didn't see me yet)
Point number three brings me to a point I wanted to ask you guys about. See, I've seen some bloggers post pics of themselves on their blogs and I didn't do that. I kinda feel weird about putting myself out there like this but what if someone would see my blog and think I'm nice and see me and think I'm cute... This would ba a great way to meet someone special that actually knows who I am from the start. Also it would be great for you guys to put a face on all my stories. Let me be clear, if I do this, I won't post pics of my friends, it doesn't concern them so I'll leave them out of this.
So reasons for : Great way to meet someone, would be cool for you guys, would definately prove that I'm real (no one said anything about me not being real but I mean, it would prove it)
reasons against : Might be creepers out there, once your pics are on the net, you have no control over them, people I know might see this and I have alot of personal stuff on here
If you guys think of anything else about this let me know. Also if you have an opinion you can share it. I am really wondering what I should do.
Fais pas ça, Internet est loin d'être sûr. Si tu veux le faire quand même, tu peux:
RépondreSupprimer1 - mettre une grosse watermark sur les photos pour être sûr qu'elles ne seront pas utilisées;
2 - utiliser pour ton profil une toute petite photo (comme moi), si petite qu'elle ne peut servir à rien d'autre, lol.
De toute façon, rien ne vaut les rencontres dans la vie réelle. Internet est une sorte de fantasme...
Bonne chance!
t'as raison!
RépondreSupprimerLuc, as much as I would love to see a picture of you, I have to advise you to be very careful about your decision... You aren't 14, I know, or I would just tell you that I was completely opposed. Still, there are people out here that are simply wired differently than you might believe... I have, over the past 6 months, been watching, and commenting, about some of this, and I can't get into all of it here, but, I'll tell you, my fears for some of the young bloggers have sadly, been realized... I wish things were different, but, that's not reality.... Putting your picture out here, makes it available to every good and bad person to do whatever... Once it's published, you can't reverse the process. The chances that it will lead to a real problem, minus other personal information, is probably small, yet, I'm still worried... Think it thru, carefully, Luc!!
RépondreSupprimerAs far as the clubs, kid- I never could stand those places... In my day, they had appropriate names- 'The Meatrack', etc... Yeah, and that's exactly what they were... I only went to a few, because I was lonely like you... I went alone... BIG mistake!! The only similar feeling that I've had in my life like that first time at a club, was when I was diving on a reef, about 100 yards offshore, and my friends on shore started to leap around and wave me in... I knew that they had spotted a shark or something, that I couldn't see, and that's exactly what happened... Walking through a gay club, alone, feels (to me, anyways) just like that... I was ogled and older guys were tripping over themselves to get to the young 'meat' before it was consumed!! Geezzz!! What a horrible feeling!! So, if you go, don't go alone...
On Julien- No, you're not an idiot!! You're lonely, and I've done the same thing, thinking that contact with a cute guy, even tho it's going God knows where, is better than being alone... Problem is, it can sometimes hurt even worse, to want a guy's affection, and be close enough to touch him, but, he's not on the same wavelength, or worse, he's a c*cktease, and derives some crazy pleasure from giving you blue balls...In my youth, I spent many sleepless nights, lying next to a hot boy in my bed that was just playing me... It took a long, painful time to figure it out. We all make mistakes, Luc... You'll make plenty, I'm sure... I hope that they are as painless as possible!!! luv, tman<3
Dude... Under no circumstances post pics of yurself. Ppl steal them an they pop up evrywhere. An way worse it brings out the bad ppl. I posted sum an now I wish I didn't. Trust me it's betr for ppl to know u from who you are rather than pics. Learn from my mistakes and forget about postin pics. Once you get to know ppl betr u can send a photo.
RépondreSupprimerHugs. Please stay safe above all else. This reason outways all reasons to post them.
Kay