Merry Christmas!!!!!

Hey guys!

Merry Christmas to everyone who believes in it and/or celebrates it!

Fo others who celebrate Hanukkah or Festivus (there are people who actually celebrate this now... crazy!) or something else, I also like you so I'm going to say happy [insert holiday here]

I love this time of year because everyone is merry and happy... No actually scratch that because some people including me are merry and happy :P

Let me do my little rant here, my sister got sick today and every little clinique is closed on Christmas Eve so I had to take her to the hospital, luckily there was almost no one there so we didn't wait forever. But since it was Christmas Eve I decided to wear a Santa hat. I was all in the holiday spirit and happy and smiling but out of everyone who saw me, only one guy actually smiled. The rest just looked frustrated and in a crappy mood. So yeah that was sad. At least the guy who smiled was the only cute one I saw :P

But anyways, they probably have their reasons for being grumpy so I'll let them be. On another note, here are songs that I listened to today. They are awesome :P Some are christmas songs and some aren't but I still wanted to share them as I like them very much!

So my first song is pretty old and is by Jackson five. It's "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". My sister and me love the part where Michael (who sings lead) says "And I'm gonna tell my dad!" best thing EVER!

The second song is "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. I really love it because it really boosts your mood when your down and I don't know why but to me I like listening to it during the holidays as everything seems wonderful :)

The third song is "Come Fly With Me" by Michael Buble, it started playing on my mom's computer and I just randomly started dancing in our living room :P Seriously tho, I never really liked Michael Buble much, probably because my parents listen to his music a bit too much but I was really in the mood for it tonight and I had a great time. This also marks the first time someone from my family actually saw me dancing for real (usually they just see me when I act like an idiot).

Finally the last song is "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon. When I put this song on while we were decorating the tree, my sister, my mom and I all said that this was our favorite Christmas song. I really like it, it's positive and sends a message of peace while talking about christmas. This is also one of the few Christmas songs I listen to at any time of the year.

So that's it for my Christmas post! I'll see you guys some day, right now I have gifts to finish wrapping and than I have to go to sleep to have an awesome Christmas day tomorrow!

Friends

Hey guys!

Yesterday I had a party with the drama club from my school (I think I mentioned that I was in drama club but maybe I didn't :P). Anyways, it was at my school and it was really fun but we had to leave kinda early because at 11 pm they close the school. So me and 5 of my friends (including Eli) decided to hang out anyways. We went to one of my friend's place but than we were making too much noise so we went to a bar instead. It was really fun and Eli and some other girl were really drunk.

We talked about alot of stuff including politics but I won't bore you with that :P but also the 2 girls that were drunk are both bi so they started kissing randomly. It was kinda awkward but meh. Plus there was a couple there so me and another guy (who is straight) were like the only ones who werent kissing someone at one point...

Than the guy who is in the couple Eli went to sleep over at my place because both of them live really far. So we were in the car and they tell me like the guy's secret... He is bi... Yeah

And he hasn't told his girlfriend yet... Which kinda sucks for her to be honest. We have similar taste in guys tho :P So yeah anyways, I found that out and now I hope his girlfriend won't think he did anything with me while he was sleeping over cuz she's a really good friend of mine and i would never do that. Also, I don't know how she'll react exactly because you know, he kinda kept it secret for a while. So yeah I don't know how that's going to go.

Seriously tho, the guy looks gay, he really does so it's not that shocking, it's more weird that he spent alot of time just completely denying it and than when he talked to me about it he seemed so... accepting of it and natural, like he knew it for a long time and had told some people for a long time. So yeah it's just weird.

But yeah, out of 6 people tonight, 1 was gay, 3 were bi and 2 were straight... Now that's rare!

2 songs I am obsessed with right now

Ok theses are 2 songs I'm totally hooked on right now, one is really new (2010) the other one is older (was written in 1966)

The first one is "waiting outside the lines" by Greyson Chance, a 13 year old who was discovered and signed by Ellen (who I really like). He has alot of talent and I hope the best for him in the future. Since his manager is Ellen, he should be fine, it doesn't seem to be her type to turn someone into something they are not just to sell more. So yeah, anyways, it's really good and I listen to it a bit too much to be honest.

The second one is "Somethin' Stupid" from Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman. This version was sung in 2001 but the song itself was written in 1966 by C. Carson Parks. My mother had this song and when I heard it I liked it so I got it 2. Some of my friends would probably laugh at me for hours if they knew how much I listened to that song :P but I don't care, I like it!

So yeah, that's pretty much all I wanted to say, although, staying in the topic of music, Matt is now officially more obsessed with Glee than me. He now has the Christmas album and the first album of this year's Glee, and he listens to it all the time. Kinda funny to be honest :P

Talk to you later!

My weekend

Hey guys!

I've been having fun in the first few days of the holidays!

On friday night I went back to my parent's house. Than saturday I spent the day sleeping mostly :P I also watched some TV, set up the christmas tree in our living room with my dad and talked alot with my mom. Than we went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1. Both me and my mom had read the book but my dad didn't. We all liked it alot, it's probably the Harry Potter movie I liked best so far, although I really liked the 6th.

Today I went to Matt's and it was fun, it was just a normal stay at home day for his family but i was there and Matt's little brother had a friend over also so we were 6 (including the parents) and we played card games :P (I love all types of board games)

So yeah, now I'm back at my parent's and tomorrow I'm heading back to my place for like 2 days.

That's it, talk to you guys tomorrow!

Finally DONE

I wanted to wait until I was completely 100% done with school before posting. I just finished correcting my last project which is due today (before midnight) so yeah now i'm officially done with school!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, I went clubbing with my friends yesterday and it was pretty fun, I actually saw a random girl I knew from kayaking, she was there also so we talked a bit but you know in a club you can't really hear anything so it wasn't that great :P Julien was there but I didn't pay much attention to him and he didn't try to get any from me so our story is finally over... At least I'm pretty sure it is. So yeah I'm turning the page on both school and him at the same time! This is pretty exciting, I feel like I'm moving forward in life finally after being stuck some place.

I just came back from my canoe club where we had a christmas party and let me say it's the first of many! I love christmas time, it's the best thing ever!

Okay, I might not post this weekend but I promise to post about 2 songs that I love and listen to alot right now on monday.

So yeah that's it, sorry for not posting much in a while, I still love you!

seeya!

Happy holidays... Not really

I was supposed to finish school today! YAY!!!

But I didn't (fuck). Yeah my teacher told us that we had until friday to finish our philosophy project so I was like, I'll do it during french (because I had already done my french text and I was only going to ask my teacher some quick questions). So I get to french class and we weren't alot because it was only like 1 on 1 help. The teacher spent so long talking to me about how my text wasn't good for an x number of reasons that I just ended up spending almost the whole class (of 2 hours) listening to it. After that i had drama, which i'm supposed to have breaks in. Well we skipped the part that I wasn't in so I didn't end up having a break and I came out of it so mentally drained that I don't have the guts to do either my french or philosophy works. So basically, I am stuck with both of those projects still to do and I'm just tired of it all. I feel like handing in some crap thing without any effort.

So yeah... I thought I would be done with school right now when I got up this morning. Things didn't go as planned...

There ya go!

Just a quick post to say i got my motivation back and things are going great for my french paper i have to do for tuesday. I'll probably finish it by tonight if things go well, and they are going well!

Yay!

Also, I'm talking with Matt over MSN and he's actually helping me with my work lol, kinda funny since it's usually the other way around. I like it tho!

Anyways I'll go now because I have to finish it. I know exactly what I have to do and found my ideas!

Motivation come back!

Hey guys!

I finish school really soon but I have lost my motivation again. I have to do my homework but you know when your not motivated it doesn't go really well...

So yeah, if I don't get it back I'll have bad grades for the projects I have left and I really don't want that to happen you see...

In other news Julien is starting to try to get me again. It didn't work out with the other guy so he's back at trying to get me. I don't know how to react but I am deffo not falling for him again. Seriously, fuck my life.

Date

Hey guys, I had a date today with some guy I didn't know and well, it didn't turn out quite interesting. It got me thinking about it and to be quite frank, the only thing thats not going my way in my life is that I don't have a boyfriend. But I'm pretty sure I should meet him normally and not try to make it happen. Dating really isn't for me, maybe it works for some people but not me.

So yeah, it was boring and just plain weird. I don't plan on going on dates for a while, if I don't have a boyfriend, so be it, I'm still happy with my life and overly thinking about it won't help.

well thats it. Seeya!

Over at Matt's

Yesterday after the storm stopped I went over to Matt's house which is close-ish to my parent's (I'm at their place right now). As you guys might know, Matt is mainly straight but has gay leanings. He never did anything tho like he never even kissed a guy (and only kissed one girl and was with her for like 2 years).

Anyways, he has this weird thing for Nick even tho they only met twice and to be honest I don't see how they would work anything out since neither of them has a car and they live freaking far away from eachother but that's another story.

Now, I keep getting mixed messages from him because he's obviously tired of being alone and he always has an msn status about love. Like when i was over we were like hanging out as usual but when I got on msn tonight after I came back to my parent's his msn status was something about love being an illusion and I was like dude, what happened in the like 4 hoursbetween when I left and now?

I don't know if it's about me (and i kinda hope it isn't but would like to know if it was) or about nick (there again, hope it isn't) or about someone else. I just really wonder what is up!

Well, I just can't understand guys, it's been a problem ever since I came out :P

seeya!

HUGE snowstorm

There is a huge snowstorm in Quebec right now it's pretty crazy.

We have had 25 cm of snow so far in Montreal and it's supposed to continue snowing until tomorrow at midday. What makes it crazier is that the wind is very strong so the snow all gets bunched up at some places where it's litterally impossible to go because the snow is like as tall as you :P

I had plans to go somewhere pretty far today but it's dangerous so instead I'm just staying home and it kinda sucks.

So yeah, the snow isn't really cool but I can still have fun in some other way. I'll try to stay positive in this season that I hate so much!

In other news, I finish school next monday youhou! I'm pretty happy about it and I'm all excited.

Anyways, I don't have much else to say so seeya!

Welcome December

You guys might know that I hate winter.

I hate driving in winter conditions cuz you have to go slower and be much more carefull, and sometimes you might slip a little and it's scary as hell. Also you it takes more time to leave since you have to get the snow or ice off of your car and it takes a while before your car gets warm...

Also I don't really like winter sports, I like skating but I suck, and skiing is pretty cool but I find it gets old after a while, plus it costs a fortune.

Also its cold as hell all the time.

BUT I welcome december for 2 reasons.

Reason number 1 : The end of school.

I am finishing college this semester so I'll have an actual full semester break when I'm done. This is really exciting and I just can't wait! I'm also finishing quite early this year so all in all, I'm pretty excited!

Reason number 2 : Christmas

It's the same thing every year, everyone is happy, you get to see your family (and I love mine) and friends that you don't get to see quite often. There are also alot of parties but not the people getting drunk kind, the people being joyfull and singing and dancing type. I like them alot more!

Therefore, I want to say welcome December, I love this month. I am just going to be pissed of when January comes along.

Cheer up songs

What do I do when I'm tired of studying and still have to?

I listen to songs that are joyfull and happy.

Good examples of that for me are "I feel Good" by James Brown, "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys, "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles and lot's of more modern songs like "Dynamite" from Taio Cruz.

Although very recently, the one that stuck out is "Up!" by Shania Twain. I hadn't listened to it for years and just stumbled upon it. It was really what I needed to give me a little cheer up and motivation to work.

Anyways, that's it for my cheer up songs post. I wonder if you guys have any songs in particular that cheer you up, if there are, feel free to tell us which ones! I'd love to find new ones :)

Underwear guys

Hey hey hey!

I still have alot of work to do and therefore am not living much so there really isn't much to say about what is going on. I am however doing this post because I went to some random store today and I found it kinda funny.

It's actually a really small store that are only open on saturdays. The reason for that is that it's based in the house of the guys (who are a homosexual couple). So what they do is they make clothes for men and sell them to the public one day a week, that's pretty cool right? Well I had never been there before but my dad like goes there all the time.

What I found funny was that to show their clothes on guys they had pictures of hot guys with the underwears they make pretty much everywhere in the store. Not one of the pictures showed a guy with one of the shirts they make or even at least the pants. No, it was all of underwear. I found that kinda funny especially since I was with my dad who didn't notice that detail.

What I found even more funny is when I got home and my mom asks me what i bought (which was just a grey shirt with nothing really special) and she says "Well they are pretty conservative". I kinda had trouble keeping myself from laughing and she saw it and asked me what was funny and I just couldn't explain it.

Anyways, that was pretty funny and I think I'll never go there again, or at least not with my dad lol.

well, seeya!

Homeworks

Hey guys!

I've been doing lot's of homework lately. I finally got the motivation to do it, i kinda had to honestly. Now tomorrow I have an exam but I can't prepare right now because I need a book that's at my school.

I finish college for good on december 13th! I am so happy and looking forward to it. I probably won't post much for a little while because I'm really focused on school but eventually i will have to change my mind so i'll give you guys little updates. Sadly there won't be much action since well, I'll mostly spend my time in books...

Well that's it, that's all, seeya guys later! :)

Food cravings

Hey!

Last night I was at school hanging out with Eli and some other people until 11 pm because we felt like it :P and then we leave the school (they lock the doors at that time so we had to) and we walked back to the metro which is not far from my house so that Eli could take it to go home.

After that I walked home but I started having these crazy food cravings. I got home but my roommate was asleep so I was like meh... And i wanted actual junk food which we don't have. So I texted my friend and we went to search for a pizza place. We didn't find any that were still open (it was midnight by then) so we decided to go see if our friend was working because he works the night shifts at Tim Hortons.

We got there and he was actually working so we decided to eat stuff there and he made me special sandwiches that were awesome. While we were there, my friend texted Nick and he came over and hung out with us. We stayed until about 2 : 30 am and than we went back to our homes and went to sleep :P

So yeah, little episode of something that I don't do often. It was weird but idk, I felt like doing something spontaneous!

Feeling younger

Hey hey hey!

So what is going on with my life? Still nothing! I have no one in sight for even a potential date but that's okay!

I don't even care anymore. I just take life as it comes, hell it's much better that way.

In the news tho I got a haircut, which means that I look a bit more like a kid than usually :P, it'S true tho, when my hair is short, I look younger by a lot. But instead of just going like "shit I look too young" I started acting more like a kid to make fun of it. But it actually got me thinking. I am way happier when I act more like a kid, and by this I don't mean being immature, it's hard to explain but I felt more like me than I usually do. Idk, I like redefine my life every now and than and this time I'm actually doing it not for how I look but for how I feel, and that's good i guess...

So with that new attitude, I talked with my friend and we decided to go running together today. Which we did. It was fun and we talked alot. This makes me think, I talked about this guy many many times on this blog, always saying "one of my friends" but he's getting so important in my life I gotta actually make a post explaining who he is. I'll probably do that soon.

Well, that's it, seeya!!

Getting back

Hey guys,

I am slowly getting back to myself, I do hope the continued running helps but I'm pretty sure it does. Today I went to my canoe club to actually run with my friends from there. They are really better than me lol, I really feel slow compared to them but that's alright, at least i got to see them again! When I got there like half the people who were inside started yelling my name lol, it's nice to feel appreciated!

When training was over I stayed there for a while just to speak with people because I do miss them alot. I spoke to one of my colleagues who said that she was working at a day care or something... anyways she had some of my kids that I coached this summer and they were all asking if i was still there and how I was going :) They said they really liked the time spent at camp (where I was an animator). I was really happy, like it felt good.

Anyways, I love it there and I miss not going there every day like in the summer. That club is the one place where I don't care about being single and I just enjoy life you know... I already can't wait for summer lol

Well that's it for today, love to everyone :)

I'm a lazy ass :P

Hey hey hey!

I finally read the comments Tman left on my previous post so I'm going to talk specifically to you in this first paragraph :P

I hope you had fun on halloween! I wonder how it was, going trick or treating with kids is always fun! How was it? Also, thanks alot for your conserns and I hope work goes right even with winter coming... :S And finally, :P My plans for the future : Well in the near future, I intend on working during my semester off, I do have to find a job though. I hope I'll find one that's interesting, I don't want to be stuck working at a McD's or something... And then I'll work at my canoe club in the summer again and after that I want to go to university, probably in psychology. After that I have absolutely no idea :P

In other news, I went to my friend's house yesterday and it was pretty cool! Finally an actual party with lot's of people and no alocohol, those are getting rarer but i kinda miss them! It was really fun, everyone had a blast and there was no drama! Man we need more of those!

After the party, Igave a lift home to one of my friends from high school who goes to the same college as me and we talked alot, she says that she is always late with the gossips because people don't tell her stuff and I guess thats true because I never think of her when I want to talk to someone. Anyways, she and I talked and she told me what was happening with a guy right now and it's a really cute "I like him and I think he likes me" story and I really hope it works out for her because she has always been kind of rejected by most people. I don't understand why since she is super sweet and intelligent but hey... people are weird :P

Other than that there isn't anything going on, I spent my day doing nothing and now I feel bad about it because I have homework and I'm just not getting it done. It's kinda bad, I need some motivation big time!

Well, that is all for today :P

seeya!

Whaaaaaaa? :P

Hey guys!

This is going to be my "things that are surprising me right now" post, oh yeah my first post with an actual theme :P

So let's go chronologically shall we?

First off, Matt met Nick and even tho he is "straight" (but does have a gay leaning, I think I did mention it before) well he likes him. I find it weird because of alot of things. One, Matt said he wanted a serious relationship, which Nick is litterally unable to have right now. Two, they are both incredibly immature almost all of the time so it would deffo be unstable. Three, they barely talked and barely know eachother. Four, they live at about 1 hour and 45 minutes away by car which neither of them has.

Yeah that's mostly why I think it wont work and shouldn't work... Oh yeah also Nick got really drunk last night and tried to flirt with random guys (we were at a gay bar) and Matt really hates that kind of behaviour. He wasn't there tho so he doesn't know, but I'm pretty sure if they became involved it would end pretty fast because of something like that and than Matt would be really hurt.

So yeah that is really surprising to me!

Also!

Julien also found someone. They go to school together and are in the same program, neither of them has come out to their family and the other guy didn't say it to his friends yet. So yeah, pretty discrete relation there and they are not going out yet but they deffinately are going to. This one, I think, makes sense. When Julien talked to me about it, he said alot of things about him, mainly talking about his personality (and also saying he was super hot) but he really knows who that guy is, which means that he wants to go out with him not only for his good looks. I was surprised to see Julien actually going for someone because usually, he just wants to be desired by everyone else. So this is a good thing and I'm happy for him! :)

Next!

Have I ever said that I hate running? Well i did, for a very very long time. I suck at it (probably still do) and it hurts and stuff, I did it to stay in shape but I hated every second of it. However, I've been so fed up with being alone while all the other guys that I had stories with ( Nick, Julien and Matt) were in almost relationships that I decided to go running to change my mind (and also to stay in shape). Well it worked, I ran 3 times since tuesday and I'm going to go running again today. I felt better after every single run and I still feel kinda crappy right now so I'm going to go for a run!

This means that I found my sport for when I can't paddle anymore but it still isn't winter. When it starts getting too cold tho I'll have to find something else. Wish me luck! :P

Anyways that's it for my surprising post! I'll see you guys later!

Alone Again, Naturally

Hey guys,

I just wanted to plug this old song one of my friends introduced to me, it's sad but really good!

I'm not saying I feel like that because my parent's didn't die or anything but it's still really cute and touching and I do feel a bit like the part when he says "Alone Again, Naturally"

blehhhh

Feeling lonely again, after all that summer of happyness and being light-hearted, I end up back where I was last year, bored, annoyed with life, procrastinating and lonely.

This time however, it isn't because of a guy, it's more because of the lack of love. You see, last year I got sad because of Nick liking me, because of Julien not liking me, because of my mixed-feelings about Sam and because of other guys I haven't mentioned on here.

Right now I feel like crap but there isn't really anyone I would date if they said they liked me, unless it was a completely new person that I don't really know or someone in particuler who would come out (but I'm not counting on that)

I don't know how long this will last but it's really not at the right time, I just hope I get into a less sentimental and more work-focused mode soon because I want to finish well this semester.

I hope you guys are having fun and going well!

Seeya...

PS. I haven't read the latest comments, sorry, I just don'T feel like it, i will later tho, right now I'm just too lazy, btw I know I'm a bad blogger but... meh

Happy Halloween!

Hey guys!

It's halloween!!! Yay!

I really love this time of year. Anyways, I've been really busy with making my halloween costume but it was deffinately worth it! I won third place in our school for best costume! :) :)

Also Matt came over to my place thursday/friday and it was pretty cool, he's a bit childish at times tho... It can be refreshing but can also be annoying especially when you'r trying to sleep. It was fun anyways.

I am going to go to my friend's house tonight to give candy to kids. Yay! We are going to be a bunch of people there so its going to be fun and we've got a theme for our costumes so we all fit together, it's pretty nice.

I know usually I post more often than I did lately and I talk alot more about stuff than I did in today's post but idk, I'm not really feeling like posting lots these days, I guess i feel a bit lonely to be honest. It should pass tho, it always does. When I feel better I'll go back to posting more regularly I hope.

Anyways I'll see you guys around!

Sorry for not posting

Yeah I'm lazy, I just didn't feel like writing anything so I decided not to :P

I've been doing really good in general, school is going great and I have plans for the future.

There hasn't been alot going on lately with me but I like it that way, its a bit boring for this blog tho :P

What I can say is that one of my friends just got engaged. Normally, people are happy for those who get engaged. However in this case, it's just ridiculous. There isn't one of my friends i talked to who thinks it's going to work. Let me describe the situation a bit. They went out for a while and broke up about 9 times so far. The girl is incredibly controlling in a really bad way. The guy changes his mind about things pretty often and already has a bit of a story with another girl. They were broken up for a while now and I thought it was it and then one day he just asked her to marry him and she said yes. She says that engagement is going to be good for their couple... Since when is asking someone to marry you a way to solve your problems? Thats not what it was meant to be and thats a big reason why I think it won't work out. Btw they are both 18...

Anyways, I didn't really have anything else to say so that's it for today.

Seeya!

long post...

Hey guys!

I am a really bad kid lol. Even tho I said I didn't want it happening again with Julien well... It did happen. And this time, I just feel like it was fun, I liked it and I don't feel used or like I used him at all. It just felt like we both wanted something, which we both got and than we parted ways.

It's not the kind of relationship I really want in life and if I go on doing only things like that with guys, I think I will be unhappy in the end. BUT for now at least I am satisfied in that way and theres no feelings being crushed since well, I don't have much feelings left for him.

Anyways, I dont fear falling in love with him at all so its good. And I don't think we'll do this often because well, its not really on my priority list :P

I'm just kinda sad that it still comes down to having meaningless sex when I really want to be close to someone.

Talking of being close to someone. I know I barely talk about Matt on this blog (he's my friend from my old school who lives like 45 minutes from my parent's place) but he is really important to me. He's become the person closest to me right now and it's because he's not afraid of homosexuality like Sam is.

Let me explain. Sam used to hug me or things like that but only in private and he would never admit it in front of someone else. He was just afraid that if he became too close to me, people would think he was gay 2. I find that totally stupid btw. Matt on the other hand doesn't care about what other people think and isn't afraid of being called gay, mainly because he knows he isn't and also because he's not grossed out by other guys either. So yeah, at times we would watch a movie and I'd lay my head on him and it was just normal. I don't think I would do that with any other guy, maybe Julien sometimes but again, that is because we usually both want something else to come out of that while with Matt, its just watching a movie you know.

Anyways, I went over to his place this week and I slept over. It was really fun and we watched Kick-Ass which is better than I thought it would be, its actually pretty good and the little girl is epic! I kinda miss him at times because we dont see eachother that often, which is why I dont post about him often. He's a really nice guy tho, I feel close to him and I know we aren't going to end up together and like thats whats cool about it. I dont really know how to explain it lol nvm.

This post is so much longer than I originally thought it would be lol. It still covered 2 subjects that are kinda important so still, it aint that bad. Anyways, I should go.

Seeya!

Sam

Hey guys!

This is probably the last post that is completely about Sam. Reason why : I am not really close to him anymore.

You guys probably figured that out since I barely included him in my posts lately, usualy only to say he was with my roommate. Well that reflects the reality. He is being very anti-social right now and is that way to pretty much everyone. I've slowly come to realise that he does alot to help out other people when he has a goal to achieve and that those people can help him reach it.

Thats why he did so much for me this summer, because he was trying to date my roommate. Ever since that became a reality. He hasn't been there for me, he doesn't care about how I feel, he barely talks to me. To say it simply, he does the minimal to say that were atleast friends so that he still feels welcomed around me and, more importantly, that my roommate doesn't feel like its pissing me off that he is around.

Thats what is happening right now. I did a little test on my own to find out if he was doing things as my friend for that purpose or so that my roommate would think were friends. I have kept saying to her he was my best friend, while in reality barely even talked to him when we were around eachother while actually talking to him if he initiated it. Result : he doesnt give a shit.

Therefore, I really came to realise that he's an ass, not only that, he's a hypocritical ass. After the experience of the last month or so, I really barely talk to him and dont even want to consider him as a friend. So right now he is my roommate's girlfriend and will stay that way.

PS. I probably won't say anything about that to him, I don't think he cares anyways. We're not close at all and when I feel like talking to someone, I don't want to talk to him so why should I?

Everything is good!

Hey guys!

I'll pick up where I left off at the last post. The morning after the party, I went back to my place and did some stuff to prep for halloween. After that, I went to Nick's place to watch movies with friends. We were 6, including Nick and Julien. Since it was just movies, dont worry, nothing happened between any of us. We than went to a Tim Hortons (Donut place) and ate there, we actually saw my other friend who was working there so it was pretty fun. After that, three of them came to my place, still including Julien and Nick. They left at about midnight.

On sunday we had nothing planned but we wanted to do stuff so 6 of my friends ended up coming here, this time Julien didn't come tho, and we had lots of fun. We played video games and were singing old songs like "Hopelessely devoted to you" and "My heart will go on" because we were trying to find a song for my friend that she can skate on, you know as her music while she does her choreography.

Today I woke up kinda late and i had to study for a philosophy exam. I studied like 45 minutes in the morning and than took the test. It was really east and took me about 15 minutes. I got my grade later in the day... 7 out of 7. Yeah, really easy :P My french class was cancelled so I got to go back home to eat before drama club. I went there, had fun and actually tried to volounteer a bit more. It was fun and this time it was more about characters that I can actually play because all the other ones before were characters that really didn't fit me and my energy. Anyways, i'm starting to really like it, and the people are nice. Yay!

So yeah, thats it, I don't really have anything else interesting to say so I'm going to go.

Have fun with your lives! :)

Party

Hey guys!

If you read my last post or the one before or something... you know that I went to a party yesterday night. Well it was pretty crazy at first but it calmed down into something we are used to by the end.

The first thing that happened is 3 people didn't pay at the restaurent and left, which caused some of my friends to get stuck at the restaurent because they were sayingthat some people didn't pay. It took a while but we finally found out who it was and they paid and everything was fine but it pissed off alot of people...

Anyways, we than went to Julien's house and started the party, which was prettynice, no one got sick, some people were a little gone but that always happens. I almost didn't drink so in the end I was one of the people taking care of things.

It was cool tho, because alot of people were dancing this time so it was always moving and not just sitting and talking like some other times. And the music was kinda nice.

BUT what happened that I'm not hapy about nor proud of. Julien was flirting with me alot but I wasn't really giving into it. As the night progressed he started doing it more and more. I was feeling kinda hopefull by the end but than I saw him kissing Nick a bit later and I just felt like he was just playing with us, like cmon man choose!

But since I didn't bring anything to sleep in, I did sleep with Julien anyways and we talked and we started doing some stuff which now I kinda regret. I hate how I suck at resisting him and I feel I kinda deserve it to be stuck like this since I never do anything to get out of that situation really...

I'm confused right now, that's how I would say it. I just hope it wasn't meaningless again but I think it probably is for him, as always.

Tomorrow!

Hey!

I hope you guys are doing well, I myself am doing pretty good, I have some school work but nothing that bad. BUT I've been talking to Julien quite a bit and it's helped me feel better even if it didn't work out with the other guy. I'm not back in love with Julien tho, we are just talking as friends and its pretty cool, I'm spending the whole day tomorrow with him tho. I'm taking him to his driving exam, than I'm giving him a lift to our friend's birthday dinner and than theres a party at Julien's house, which I'm going to go to.

Anyways, it should be a fun day, when I'm alone with him, its usually always nice, its going to be spent as friends tho and I made a promise to myself awhile ago to never to it with him unless i was actually going out with him. I intend to keep it and i don't think he wants to go out with me and I don't even think I want to go out with him. SO it should not happen tomorrow!

Anyways, I have something with Sam also on sunday and he'll be there at the friend's dinner party so I'll see him quite a bit tomorrow 2, he is also coming over here tonight, he should get here kinda soon actually.

Seeya!

100th post fail

Hey guys!

This is my 100th post and usually people do something special for that but I didn't plan anything so I guess I'll just say : 100th post yay!

Also! I wanted to tell you guys that I just got told "I'd like to see you again but more as a friend" by the date guy so I probably won't see him again :P too bad.

Just as I say goodbye to the opportunity to have a boyfriend, Julien starts talking to me alot again and I am supposed to see him on friday since I'm the one who is taking him to his driving test because his parents are in Italy, also friday night, big party at his house for our other friend's 18th birthday.

Last time we had a party at Julien's house, he kinda tried to rape me lol so we'll see what happens, to be honest, I'm half worried half hopefull about something happening with him.

I don't know, being alone is annoying but it really looks like every time I try to have someone it doesn't work out. If he tries to just have sex tho I hope I'll resist, I really don't need that right now.

Well thats all, I hope you guys had good days...

National Coming Out Day

Hey guys! Today is national coming out day, I litterally found out today and I don't even remember how I did :P

Anyways, I don't know about you but I don't really follow the special LGBT days like this one or gay pride week or when the gay parades are. But since I somehow found out it was today I told myself that if an opportunity came to say it to someone who doesn't know it, I would.

I was surprised when it actually came. It was during a play rehearsal at some point pretty much everyone was talking and the girls near me were talking about giving blood which is kinda important since it can save life and the girl next to me said that she couldn't give blood, so I said me neither. Another girl asked to us why? (And she thought we had some stupid reasons) The girl said she didn't weight ennough (you know theres a minimum weight or else it becomes a bit dangerous) and I said because gays can't give blood (which is true at least here, in Canada).

So yeah some random girls i had talked to about twice before now know I'm gay. Since I'm out to most people (and everyone that I saw today) there wasn't much more I could do.

Saying that, I am thinking more and more about coming out to my extended family. I have more and more cousins on facebook so it's getting risky that they could find out with that. Also, if I get a boyfriend, I don't want to hide it from them. Coming out to them is something that might happen before 2011 so I am probably going to talk more about it soon, it's really something I fear and have mixed feelings about.

Anyways, see you guys!

probably uninteresting post

Hey guys!

Today was fun, the guests we had were awesome and everything was fine, the morning of cleaning up wasn't that bad and it was deffinately worth it for the evening and now the house is all clean, yay!

Tomorrow I'm going to see my friends and were playing a board game that one of them invented, it is supposed to be pretty cool and I'm sure it is! That guy is really interesting, he's barely 20 and he has done more than twice of what I did in my life :P

Also I'm going to contact date guy tomorrow evening, probably via facebook, if I don't get any news from him before than. I wonder what he thinks about me...

PS. I have a question, does anyone know how to do a poll with this? I haven't really looked and it might be really easy, I just don't know...

Start of the weekend

Hey guys!

The start of the weekend was good, my class friday afternoon was cancelled so I got to leave early and go to my parents house with a friend. That evening we went to see Matt and it was pretty cool, we played video games with Matt's little brother and his friend so we were like 5 guys playing video games... Pretty typical :P

It was fun tho, than the two younger guys left and it was me, Matt and my other friend and we played Mario Party, and I failed miserably. We talked for awhile and than me and my friend left, I dropped him off at his cottage (which is close to my parent's house) and I went home.

Today I went to get my sister so I left in the morning and spent the whole day with her, she had things to do and i helped her out. It was a nice day and we were with her boyfriend for half of it so I got to know him a little more, he's a nice guy so I'm happy for her.

Than we got back home and tomorrow we are going to have a cleanup of the house morning and we have visit in the afternoon. So yeah tomorrow is going to be a bit boring until the visit comes so I hope they get here early :P

Well, that's all, theres not much news on the date situation, I might try to contact him on monday if i don't have any news but I don't want to seem too needy you know...

Seeya!

WTF!

I'm pretty happy I have a blog right now cuz I really need to just say what happened today and I don't really feel like talking to any of my friends.

I had the date #2 today. It was supposed to be at 12 : 30 and to be me, him and my roommate (who knows both of us). Anyways, my roommate had lots of homeworks so she decided to do that instead. So she texts him and than he says that he also has homework so he can't come at 12 : 30 because he would like to do his homework before going to the movie.

So yeah, my roommate thought he meant that he wouldn't go at all but in fact he just meant to go later, which we did.

So me and him met at the metro station at 3 : 30 and we went to see the movie, which is about a war somewhere and pretty dramatic, I wouldn't recommend it for a date but we both had to watch it for school.

So yeah during the movie we didn't talk or anything, nor did we touch in any way. I tried to look at him like 3 times but he didn't look at me and I don't know if he did during the movie at other times but yeah it was meh...

Than the movie ends on a dramatic note (btw I knew how it would end because I read the book before, he didn't read the book so he probably had no idea what would happen) and we get out. The only thing he said to me was "Can I go home by myself?"

I was very surprised, like I didn't expect that at all and i just said "yeah" and he started walking pretty fast and I was just super surprised...

I really don't know what that was about but I mean, its not normal. Atleast I don't know anyone who would do that, especially on a date, so I just don't know how to react.

So yeah thats it... Pretty shitty date, I would say...

Date!

OMG guys!

This summer, Sam and his colleague were talking and they realised that they both had a gay friend who wanted to meet someone and maybe get a date and stuff, (Sam's friend was me btw). Anyways, they arranged a sort of date this summer but it didn't work and we never actually got to talk to eachother.

BUT, it turns out that this guy is in one of my roommate's classes this semester so she talked to him to tell him she was my roommate. They started to send messages on facebook alot and we arranged to meet for movies today at around 6 something, which we did. We got to the theater but the movie we had to see (we all had to see the same one for school) was sold out. So we decided to go eat instead.

It was really cool, he is smart, pretty nice and pretty cute and he makes me think of alot of my friends all put together :P Anyways, I don't expect too much but i'm pretty happy with how it went.

Btw, we arranged to go to see the movie on thursday, we both have off and my roommate starts classes at 4 pm so we'll go during the day, it won't be sold out then :P

seeya! :) :) :)

Weekend

Hey guys!

just a quick post to say I've had an exam today and it went well. I should have a pretty good grade so I'm pretty happy :)

Also I'll be going to Matt's tomorrow and will be spending the night there so I prob won't post tomorrow and depending on how much school work I do, I might not post until like tuesday because of homeworks. Anyways, we'll see what happens.

seeya guys! Hope you all have a great weekend!

Possible date!

Hello!

I might have a date kinda soon!

The story goes back pretty far actually, during the summer, Sam was talking to his collegue and it turns out that she also had a gay friend. They got to talking and decided to match us. In the end, we didn't meet, the times weren't right and Sam's collegue quit her job and such. Anyways, I thought it had failed.

BUT! It turns out that the guy they wanted to match me with goes to the same college as my roommate AND that they have a class together. I don't know exactly how she found out who he was but it doesn't really matter. Now my roommate is talking directly to him and we're probably going to have a date really soon, like next week!

I'm kinda scared but its just too good an opportunity to go past it! I'm really happy :) yay!

Anyways, hope it all goes well for you guys also!

Seeya!

nice week :)

Hey hey!

I am having a really good week, I'm seeing friends and having a general good time. I hung out with 3 friends in the morning and start of the afternoon and then I went training. It was nice!

After that i went back home and had friends over to watch Glee, Sam and Nick were there and Julien was supposed to but he didn't show up. Anyways we had a great time and when it was done, Nick and me were like singing alot of Glee songs really loud and dancing, it was pretty funny and we looked ridiculous but we had fun and thats whats important right? :P

Today I woke up and lazed around but than decided to rearrange my appartment and I cleaned up and stuff. When I was done, I went training again. I'm going to try to go to my canoe club as often as possible this year because it helps me stay positive and healthy, and to be honest thats a really good combination :P Plus I'm starting to get abs :) yay!

Anyways, I just explained to my roommate the difference between Kayaking, Canoeing and Rowing. I do kayaking and canoeing but I don't row. It's a sport I don't really appreciate (sorry if there are any rowers who read this) but yeah, never liked it. But Sam coaches rowing so my roommate was wondering.

Well! I gtg, see you guys around! :)

Oh yeah!

Hey guys!

I just had a nice day, my classes went well and i had tests and i'm pretty happy with what I did. I had fun after that with Eli. She got me to join the art program at school and now every monday I'm going to do that after school. It's pretty fun and I get to meet new people, most of the girls there seem really nice.

Anyways, right now I'm at home, Sam and my roommate are there but I'm leaving them alone.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to my old high school which should be pretty fun, then I'm going to my kayak club for a nice paddle. After that, 4 people (including Nick and Julien) are coming over to watch Glee, so we will see how that goes. I hope its good :)

Well, I don't really have anything else to say so I'm going to spare you the boredom of reading a long post full of nothing and I'm going to leave.

Seeya!

Well, back to normal

Hello guys!

I've had a bad week and my moral has been low but it is over now and I'm all new and excited for next week, I do have some school work to do and thats going to be kinda hard but I'm pretty sure it's all going to work out.

Also I might get the job I want for this winter so I'm really excited about that. I sure hope I get it, I think its between me and my friend tho, that's kinda crappy...

Anyways, I am going to my friend's place tonight and i'm spending the night there and hanging out with a couple friends tomorrow, after that I am going to my parent's place so I might talk to you guys tomorrow from my parent's.

I hope all of you guys are having an awesome weekend and I'll talk to you guys soon! :)

Seeya!

My summer story

Hey guys!

Yesterday I posted about Sam's story, well today's post is mine.

This summer I didn't get a date even though Sam told me he would set me up with someone, well it hasn't happened yet.

Now, just because I don't have anyone to really love doesn't mean I didn't get any action. You guys must know me well ennough by now to know that I probably tried a thing or two with some people during my vacation.

Actually I spent the start of the summer just focussing on my trainings and my work. I didn't want to be bothered with guys, especially since I didn't know anyone available except Nick and Julien.

After a while tho, I met a guy who didn't really look at the sex of the person, as long as he liked it, well it was all good. I won't say how I met him just in case someone finds this but he let's just say he is very important in the life of someone I mentioned in this blog.

He and I were sleeping over somewhere and had to share a bed. Of course one thing led to another and we ended up doing stuff.

Now, I knew he didn't have anything for me and i didn't have anything for him, I felt bad afterwards because I knew it was the first time that it really didn't mean anything to me. But in the end, it felt good and atleast I had fun and it got me less horny for a while.

The summer continued and then Julien decided to have a party at his house. I went of course and I had alot of fun. Julien tho, was really horny and tried to do stuff with me, it was really hard to resist but in the end, I managed to do so. I have to admit that I almost did it and might even have if something didn't happen to help me.

Anyways, nothing happened there although we did kiss and than the rest of the summer went on without me doing anything with anyone.

Julien and I started talking alot on MSN tho and he was supposed to come over tonight as friends. He cancelled last minute because he was stressed and then we had an argument about how he always does this and he started insulting me randomly and now I am pissed!

So! history continues, he can really get me excited about seeing him but I always end up hurt and disappointed. Maybe one day I'll finally be able to not care, I thought I had come to this but I was wrong.

Well, thats it for tonight, I'll talk to you guys later

Sam's story

Hey guys!

Okay, I said yesterday that I would talk a bit more about what happened this summer so thats what I am going to start doing in this post.

I am going to leave out alot of information that is important in my life but doesn't regard my love life nor the friends that I talked about in this blog. It is to be noted that these things are mostly positive and are the reason of the constant state of joy and optimism that I was in this summer.

So first things first let's start with Sam's love situation because that is the main thing that happened this summer... Sadly

His girlfriend and him, as I might have said last year, weren't what I would call a nice couple. They weren't really close, they would lie to eachother, they wouldn't trust eachother and pretty much stayed together because neither of them wanted to be alone.

His girlfriend realized that it wasn't working out and decided to make him understand it by talking to him less and less and in the end, didn't talk to him for a whole week before breaking up with him. Now, I do not agree with that method because frankly it sucks, but she had tried to break up with him before in a normal way and he just stuck to her, which is a bit sad. Anyways, it worked and they weren't a couple anymore.

Sam was obviously sad and wanted to see his friends. That week, I saw him every single day except one, stayed to sleep at his house 3 times and he slept at my place once. Basically, I was there for him because he needed me. Before long, he was already starting to think about getting to know my future roommate, having met her once, he thought she was his type.

This is my big problem with Sam, the way he needs to like someone at all times and acts as if his crush were serious in such a way that he actually ends up falling for someone he has seen once. That is exactly what happened and after seeing her again for 2 days he was convinced he was in love with her.

He tried to date her a couple times and she wouldn't be interested mainly because she thought he was gay (like everyone does when meeting Sam). So he ended up asking my help. After I finally convinced her that Sam wasn't gay, he got to set a date with her. She stressed out at the last minute and cancelled it.

I had to pull another awesome trick to finally get him a chance by inviting him over without her knowing and then leaving. This worked like a charm and they saw eachother many times over, him sleeping over in her room and they did sexual stuff.

For some reason she still did not want to say she was going out with him, although it was exactly like that, it wasn't official until about a week ago.

So there is Sam's story of this summer, with my point of vue being that he can't really fall in love with someone he doesn't know, I think he is still going out with her for the same reason as his ex, aka not wanting to be alone.

Well that's it for now, I should post something about my love life of this summer tomorrow, if i have the time.

Seeya!

Well I am BACK

Hey guys!!!

I am finally back after a summer away. I just had an awesome summer as I thought I would, I didn't get a boyfriend as some of you suggested I would but I am happy anyways. I didn't even think of boys for most of the summer although there are 2 things that happened with some of them, I'll talk to you guys about it a bit later.

Anyways, this is a new me that's coming back, I am now full of positivity which I got back this summer and intend to keep during the whole year and I am less focused on doing stupid things like kissing a whole lot of people.

I am going to try and live my life in a more responsible way this year and it will show in the posts.

Also new, i moved this summer so I am not living alone anymore, I am in a bigger appartement and I have one roommate who will be added to the list of important people. It is to be noted that Sam broke up with his girlfriend and is now dating my roommate which puts me in a kinda awkward situation. Me and Sam aren't as close as we used to be either so I should talk about him less often.

Well, I know I haven't said much but thats the introduction post for what is coming up later, I don't really have time to make a huge post so thats going to be it.

I missed you guys and i hope you all had an awesome summer like I had!

Seeya!

Booooooored

I am REALLY bored right now.

This week I'm working only like 2 hours and a half tonight, the rest I'm just training, but with nothing to do in between, I have to say its freaking annoying. I have to get up at 6 am to go train from 7 to 8 :30, get back home at 9 and now I'm waiting until 3 pm for the next training. So basically I have more than 5 hours to kill, alone at my place. And the worst thing is, no one is even up right now unless they are working. Grrr

So yeah I'm freaking bored, and I have nothing to talk about, since i have no life right now :P

At least I'm training again, which is good, I'm getting my muscles back and getting my speed back. I have a competition on saturday so I have to get ready for that. Wish me luck :)

I do hope i don't make a fool out of myself at that race, it'll be the first race of the summer so probably the one I am going to suck at the most. At least I'm not sick, that would be so bad :P

Anyways, I'm gonna go, cuz I'm running out of things to say now.

seeya!

Btw my mood is good these days, its just right now that i have nothing to do :P

Haven't been on in a while :P

Yeah sorry, I've been a Baaaaaad blogger, I just have been really busy with work and paddling and trying to see friends in all of that. Plus there is litterally nothing new going on to blog about, work's been really good and I love it right now. I'm getting my muscles back but I still have to get rid of my little belly I got this winter :P

Anyways, I just made a post to tell you guys that my posting really won't be often this summer. Usually in the summer, nothing much happens, its the routine and there are lots of things that I dont want to say because I want to keep the privacy of people from my canoe club.

So yeah... sorry guys, I wont be around much this summer, I'll be normal back probably in september tho so I'll see you guys then...

Seeya!

Alone and lonely

Have you ever felt unloved? Of course you have, everybody has, I think...

Well thats how I feel right now and I keep telling myself that its going to go away, that its only temporary and that everyone feels crappy sometimes but its not helping. I feel alone and sad and I lost my optimism that I usually always have. I lost my smile that makes people love me, I lost that personality that cheers up people when I'm around them.

Those 3 things are what I love about myself. Not having them right now makes me want to stay here in my room for as long as I can. I don't want to leave and see other people because how can they like me when everything thats good about me is gone?

Its all stupid, and I know it is but I just can't get rid of this feeling. I know that right now theres probably only 2 people who can really make me feel better, Julien and Sam. Julien is on MSN right now but I don't want to talk to him anymore, I just want to prove to myself that I don't need him and I only talk to him when he talks to me first. Sam isn't on MSN but luckily he texted me a couple of minutes ago, I replied and asked him if he could go on MSN and he hasn't answered. I hope he does... Untill than I'll just listen to sad music.

*This just in, Sam just got on MSN and I'm talking to him right now :)

Friends over

Hello!

Me and my friends (Eli, Sam, Nick and others) went to see a movie yesterday and than Nick and a girl went to my place after and they slept here, they recently left.

It was really cool tho, the movie was kinda bad, plus we saw it in french so its even worse when its not in its original language. But it was fun being with them.

I actually slept on the floor because they were taking too much place in my bed :P it was okay tho, I dont really mind, i'm just a little sore, plus I trained yesterday so that doesnt help.

Anyways, I gotta go, I know I wanted to say something but I completely forgot so... meh

Seeya!

friends + Glee

Hello!

Yesterday some firends came over to my house, we hung out and had LOTS of fun. They talked to me about some guy they met in a Dunkin Donuts. They were sitting there eating munchkins and some creepy disgusting guy started talking to them. He didn't really make any sense and spoke in english than french, than other laguages. Some of them were scared (Sam :P) but another guy was like talking to him and making conversation. The fact that he spoke alot of languages made me jokethat he was probably a linguist and since my sister is in litterature I made the joke of "thats what they all become anyways". I don't really think my sister is going to become a crazy person who speaks to strangers in Dunkin donuts :P

Anyways Sam's girlfriend went to a wedding the other day so we ended up talking about weddings. We made plans about it lol, I got myself the best man position at Sam's wedding :P. My other friend decided I would be a bridesmate at hers with Nick tho lol. Anyways it was pretty funny, I told her I would only do it if I had an ugly dress.

We than moved on to talking a little more seriously about who we thought would be the first in our gang to have kids. We were talking about differet possibilities that were possible. Than I made the joke of a certain friend (that wouldnt really be fit to ba a parent) and they were like yeah could happen, it would be an accident tho. Which is kinda true that its possible. She always forgets to take the pill and she does sleep around alot. It would be very sad tho, I hope it doesnt happen...

Well I don't really have anything else to say exept I'm a huge gleek :P, yeah I downloaded alot of their music... and they have a good message they send, I love it! for example in one episode they are trying to beat their competitions at their own game by doing hairography and in the end they do what they do best which is to showcase their voices and sing a touching song about being who you are. I think its important to be who you actually are and thats one big reason why I came out. Here is the song i'm talking about.

Him again

Hey, I talked to Julien on MSN today and he actually made me cry (and no it's not because he was mean, he wasn't :P) He actually was very sweet and sensitive. We were talking and he made a joke about killing himself, to which I replied that it wasn't funny. We talked a little more seriously after, sharing suicide stories of people we knew (yeah I know sad) and than I asked him if he ever thought seriously about it. He replied "I do think about it sometimes" which means he still does sometimes. I'm therefore trying to help him and stuff and I told him lots of things but idk, I just wanted to go see him and hug him as hard as I could. I don't want to think about him doing that... It's so depressing, my god, I have tears in my eyes as I right this...

I want to see him... Like right now, but I can't. I just hope to see him again soon, to talk to him about this, I want to make sure he never even thinks about it again. I want to cheer him up, I want to... idk

I hope it all works out for the best. I don't want him to do such a thing. I don't want to lose him.

Matt

Matt came over yesterday and he slept here. It was pretty cool, we hadn't seen eachother in awhile. I missed him alot. We hung out and did alot of crazy, useless and stupid things like messing around on facebook and MSN.

We talked alot about random stuff but I'll only tell you the juicy details :P. I was telling him that one of my friends told me that I had to do it with a girl atleast one time and that I was like "well it's weird" and he agreed with the guy. His point was "why not? you have to try" to which I said "well would you try with a guy?" He said he would. I was like ehm... surprised :P

Of course we didn't do it, we are close friends and it would be weird after, AND he's got a girlfriend so I wouldn't touch him. But yeah, I found out that Matt would do it with a guy eventually (not when he's still going out with his girlfriend tho so he might never actually do it if they stay together)

Anyways, I don't have much else to talk about so that will be all.

Seeya!

Busy week!

Well right after I finished school, me and 4 friends went to my friends cottage and hung out there for 2 days. Than on I had to start training again, I went back to my old high school to say hello to some people there and on friday there was a huge party at my friends house for the end of the semester. On saturday I went to see my friend's show (she does ballet), it was pretty cool and she was the star! Than I went back to my parent's house and today I helped my dad with construction and than celebrated my sister's birthday.

SO, busy but really fun week!

What happened tonight disturbed me a little tho, I know I said I wouldn't talk about Julien anymore but he seems to want to be talked about :P. I talked to him on MSN tonight and we had a long conversation about alot of random stuff. At one point tho I told him that I wouldn't do what I did with him again because I hate lying. He answered with "yeah..." I than replied "What? You're disappointed?" he didn't say anything to that and said he was going to bed and logged out.

I don't really know what that means but it looks like he wants to do it again. It seems logical to me, he's getting over his crush on Nick, he's done with school but not working yet so he's got ALOT of free time and he hasn't done it in a while so he's super horny. On my part however it doesn't look like I'm about to do that. I have alot of things to do and therefore I am not bored, I am getting over a crush on him so I'm not going to mess it up by doing it with him but I am horny :P

I still don't think I'm ever going to do anything with him again unless I'm actually dating him which I don't think is going to happen. Sad really...

Well, I should be going to sleep!

Oh btw can you tell me what you think it means? cuz I'm kinda lost a little :P

Seeya!

No more school!

Well there you go! I finished my last exam and I am in summer vacation! I have about 1 month to do as much stupid useless partying as I can before I start working.

Even with this good news, there is some bad news as well. Both Sam and Julien aren't coming over tonight so that means I spend the night alone again. Sam was supposed to come over after the exam but he went to see his girlfriend. After that he is going back to his parent's place even tho he could come over since he's done with school also.

Meh, atleast I have another friend coming over tonight but he won't stay to sleep here.

Tomorrow I have 3 friends coming over in the morning tho so thats going to be fun. I hope it all goes as planned because if this fails well I'm going to be super pissed :P

I think that's all I have to say for now, maybe I'll go out soon so I will have things to say about that :P

seeya!

RANDOM!

Hey! I have nothing to do so I decided to post something but i don't really know what to say so this is going to be VERY random.

I want to say I am up to date with Glee and I made my mom watch it. My five favorite characters are Kurt (of course :P), Quin, Sue, Emma and Tina. My mom hates Kurt and so does Julien, I'm like the only one who likes him :P

Julien's favorite characters are Finn and Brittany while Nick's choice is Emma. Maude likes Will but it's mostly because he's her type :P

I have developped the theory that Julien likes people who are stupid (Finn and Brit, I mean come on!) based on this theory I can say its a compliment that he never liked me that way :P

Speaking of Julien, he apologised via e-mail :P he really has no tact honestly. He's like those clueless characters in movies that when you see them your like "no one is THIS bad with relationships", well he is.

He might still come on monday to sleep over at my place. I think I'll try to tease him as much as I can without giving him anything. It's mean but I am a bitch sometimes and I kinda wanna do that :P Plus we can't do anything since Sam is sleeping over as well.

Oh did you guys know that september 19th is international talk like a pirate day?

So on september 19th you should all talk like pirates! One easy trick to do well is to start all your conversations with " Arrr, me hearties!" the rest should come easily ;)

and OMG guys HUGE NEWS! : I'm gay!

okay that wasn't really news :P

Seeya!

Meh

I haven't talked to Julien since tuesday and the last words I said to him were "Ok fuck you"

So yeah you guessed it, we aren't really in a good situation right now, Maude told me that when he's stressed about something he gets really mean to pretty much everyone especially if theres aleready something that bugs him with you. So it's probably because he's stressed but I don't care seriously. I wouldn't stand being with him if he got mean to everyone when he's stressed, I mean it's stupid!

Meh, so I think my huge Julien crush is coming to an end, we'll see what happens next but that guy is definately going back to secondary role in this blog :P.

Other than that, I'm at my parent's place right now and I just want to have one of my friends with me. One of them almost came but he had to cancel so I am alone! (my parents arent here right now, they'll be here tonight tho). I really have nothing to do... Might go watch Glee or something :P

anyways, seeya

Life is good

I don't know why I'm this happy but today it seems like nothing can bring me down! To be honest it's been an OK day but I'm just so releaved I think that I just can't be brought down.

For one thing, Maude told me today that Julien is bitching about me to Nick. I don't really understand why he would do that, it might be about the little "tell me I have no chance" thing or it might be because he wants Nick to like him and not me (which quite frankly isn't working). Normaly, hearing this would have brought me down for a couple of days but when Maude told me on of the things he said (that he was more manly than me) I just bursted out laughing at how ridiculous that was. I don't know how he looks at it to say he's manly in any way but no one agreed with him :P I think he just wants attention which is why I didn't give him any and I didn't talk to him today.

Other than that the day was boring, lot's of exams, lot's of work.

I did go out with my friend to watch her friend's musical show. It was pretty good, I was surprised. Me and my friend were like dancing on our chairs. Plus one guy checked me out ;)

So in short an okay day but I'm happier than ever and I don't really know why :)

seeya!

DONE...Almost :P

Yep I now have only 2 exams left before summer break and let me say it is freaking time! I did not have any motivation last week and ended up doing all my work last minute (I'm lucky because everything went fine :P)

Now I have politics and math left and after that I am a free man! Right now I'm taking tonight off even tho I should study and I'll go watch some showtunes thing because my friend is forcing me 2 :P Anyways thats still pretty cool so that's what I'm doing, I might study when I get home but that's still a maybe :P

Anyways I don't really have any news because nothing happened today except me studying which isn't very interesting.

I should have more interesting posts once vacations start, theres always stupid stuff that happens at end of semester parties (last year was my first kiss with a guy, this year, who knows :P)

Seeya!

Sam

After school, Sam went over to my place where we stayed for about 2 hours just wrestling and doing stupid things, you know just hanging out. I missed having him over, it was a really fun time. We had fun together and it really reminded me of why I loved him so much (as a friend). He is really cute when he's having fun lol.

Anyways, we did alot of stupid things and I felt really close to him, like we were back the way we were before all the Julien mess. After that we went to nick's place where there were more of our friends and we watched a movie. During it Sam was pretty much going around not listening to the movie at all and talking to pretty much everyone individually and going outside to talk to his GF on the phone (she was coming to pick him up). When he knew she was going to be there soon, he went like behind the chair I was in and started bugging me like poking my head and stuff. I just grabbed his hand to make him stop but we kinda stood there holding hands, it was pretty sweet :) After a little while he left and went back to where he was sitting.

It was a very short moment but an incredibly sweet one. I missed him being that way with me, just having fun and those little sweet moments.

On the 24th he is sleeping over to my place and probably Julien will two. (Sam shotgunned sleeping on the floor :P)

Anyways we'll see what happens but me and Sam planned it all so that I could sleep in the same bed as Julien without anyting happening between us. Since Sam will be close to us we will be able to resist eachother and thats good. I don't know what good can come out of this, but I don't think anything bad can.

I hope it all goes well, but its quite in a long time. I'll talk to you guys about it then.

Seeya!

I am not a rolemodel

You know why? Because I am stupid!

I talked to Julien today on MSN and we flirted a little as usual. But we started talking about him sleeping over at my place. That is REALLY not a good idea since we both admitted we could'nt resist when we were sleeping together. He does not want to go out with me, I know that. I want to go out with him, he knows that.

If we do it again, it will just hurt me and being a drama queen, I'll get him in a situation he doesn't want to get into. But nevertheless we both talked about it like the idiots we are and now I just want him to come over. This is not good, I want more than just sex and we just can't do that anymore. But I love sleeping with him (and I do mean sleeping here). It is SO comfortable and he loves sleeping with me 2... I just don't think either of us would be able to resist doing more.

The reason he wants to come sleep at my place is because his place is really far and sometimes it's cool for him to sleep close to where all our friends are, and since the end of semester is coming up, there going to be parties and things going on.

Sam told me to have him over if I want but to have a third person sleeping in the same room (probably Sam himself :P). It is a good idea, but knowing me I'm probably going to kiss him anyways. Mehh we'll see what happens, the more I think about Sam's idea the better it seems.

It's kinda funny how the 2 most important guys in my life put together would be the perfect guy for me :P. Think about it, Sam who is straight and has a girlfriend but who loves me (as a friend but in a really sweet way) and Julien who is gay and single but who doesn't love me, he likes me but thats it. I love them both in different ways but combined, I would be head over heels in love :P. If I ever meet a combination of those 2 I won't believe my luck!

Meh, sometimes you gotta search, I don't think I have found the right guy for me yet. But I really like those 2 sweeties.

I'll tell you what happens with Julien but Sam is definately sleeping over here probably on the 24th :)

Seeya!

Montreal won!

Well there ya go! The Montreal Canadiens eliminated the Pittsburgh Penguins today and go on to the Conference final. It's been a great game to watch if you like to see good players play badly because Malkin, Fleury and Gonchar really did not play well and Crosby was average. Because of that Montreal was able to win in a serie against all odds.

Really amazing game!

Next monday

It is the day that will end 3 of my 5 courses. On that day I have 2 exams and I have to hand in 1 project. After that I will only have 2 exams left.

That day will be very important and I have to prepare well for it. After that it will be pretty much done and I will be able to have more fun! Since only 2 exams are left after it, I'll have to study for them but I have more time than what I actually need.

Also today there is an important hockey game. For those of you who follow hockey a little, well it's game 7 between the montreal Canadiens and the Pittsburgh Penguins. The winner of this game will go on to the next round while the loser will be eliminated. Montreal wasn't supposed to win in the first round but managed to beat the Washington Capitals who were number one in the NHL. If they beat Pittsburgh, they'll have taken out last year's winners of the Stanley cup as well. No one really expects the Habs to win the cup but if they win this round, they will definately be favorites in the next round. I really hope they win!

Well thats pretty much it, I don't have anything exiting to say, I'm at my parent's house so...

Seeya!

Hey sorry about that last post

Lesson learned, never think about important things when you are both tired and feel rejected. I don't think I would have ever dared post pics of me anyways. It is a weird period for me right now, I really hope it goes by soon so I can be normal and happy... I should go kayaking, that always helps me but it freacking snowed this weekend grrrrrr.

Well anyways, this is not a huge post but I figured I'd tell you guys about my plans for Nick's birthday. Awhile ago, Maude asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said : a sexy dance. So now that he came out, Maude had the idea of having a guy dance for him. We talked about it and decided that me, Maude and another one of our friends will make a video for Nick that reproduces this one that Glee made where Kurt dances on Beyonce's Single Ladies.

It's all a joke and I definately won't dance as well as Chris Colfer does (Kurt) but hey, it's all good fun. Btw Kurt is really an awesome character, his coming out scenes are so touching.

The actor, Chris Colfer, really looks like a nice guy, I wish I could meet him :P (sorry ladies, he's gay hehehe)

Well here's Kurt's video of single ladies

Speaking to him

I am speaking to Julien as I'm writing this. I am actually supposed to be working on an project due tomorrow right now but I am such an idiot that I prefer to talk with some guy who broke my heart :P

Well in all fairness it wasn't really his fault (which he pointed out). We both knew the risks when we engaged ourselves in that little advanture. What pisses me off a little is that I tried to help him when he got problems out of this and he just doesn't try to help me out when I do.

Let me explain a little.

Some people started to find out about us and the one thing he didn't want was for people to know about it. I had to lie to my friends alot and that is not something I like doing. When I had problems with Sam, they started in part because he knew I was lying to him about something. I made sacrifices to keep him from feeling even more uneasy about things. To help him out when things didn't go the way he wanted.

But now I have problems that came from our little thing. I fell for him and now I can't concentrate, I think about him too much (as you probably came to realise :P), in short, I can't seem to move on. He knows this now because I told him. I asked him to just tell me i had no chance with him, which if he did, I would have been able to just move on but he doesn't even want to do this for me. I am stuck and he knows it and I feel like he doesn't care or even worse, he wants to keep it like that.

Even tho I say I'm pissed at him, I really have mixed feelings because right now he is just being nice to me and we are having a good conversation. While his intentions are very normal (he just wants to talk to his friend), my stupid brain just keeps on trying to find clues or reasons behind him talking to me. Like an idiot, I tell myself that since he talks to me more than usual right now it must be because he wants to keep me in love with him in case he feels the need to do it. While the real reason is apparent and is because I am online more than usual and at this time theres not really anyone else to talk to.

Meh, I am overanalysing thing again it happens sometimes, and I don't make any sence because I go much too far.

Let's change subject because this is annoying me.

Sam went to my place this weekend while I was away at my parents house. He fed my fish (because I asked him to, what a nice friend) but he stayed there to do homework. It seems like he went in my bed because it was all over the place. I really hope he didn't do it with his girlfriend on my bed, I told him I didn't want him to do that. I don't think he did but we never know. I'm seeing him tomorrow so I'll ask him if he did.

Okay I am also in a dilemma. I kinda really want to meet someone right now because I'm really getting desperate but there are alot of things that stand in the way of this.

Number 1 : I am still not over Julien and I don't want to put someone in a situation where he would like me but I'd be in love with someone else.

Number 2 : there are places where you can meet gay guys around here but I found most of them were weird and I don't really know how to meet gays that are my type of people.

Number 3 : I know there is internet, but I kinda feel uneasy at having my pics on the internet (which is why you guys didn't see me yet)

Point number three brings me to a point I wanted to ask you guys about. See, I've seen some bloggers post pics of themselves on their blogs and I didn't do that. I kinda feel weird about putting myself out there like this but what if someone would see my blog and think I'm nice and see me and think I'm cute... This would ba a great way to meet someone special that actually knows who I am from the start. Also it would be great for you guys to put a face on all my stories. Let me be clear, if I do this, I won't post pics of my friends, it doesn't concern them so I'll leave them out of this.

So reasons for : Great way to meet someone, would be cool for you guys, would definately prove that I'm real (no one said anything about me not being real but I mean, it would prove it)

reasons against : Might be creepers out there, once your pics are on the net, you have no control over them, people I know might see this and I have alot of personal stuff on here

If you guys think of anything else about this let me know. Also if you have an opinion you can share it. I am really wondering what I should do.

You keep me hanging on

Yeah, Julien talked to me on MSN yesterday, I told him to tell me I had no chance with him thursday and he says he can't say that which is just the answer thats going to keep me hoping and than he talks to me like nothing happened yesterday. It was a nice convo, just like nothing was going on, just like the convos we had when we were friends with benefice. I really feel like he's just keeping me around in case while he looks for other opportunities.

I know I used him as much as he used me during our little thing we had. The difference is this : When things happened that made him feel uneasy, I did everything to control the damage. But when I have problems he just doesn't care and tells me to work it out by myself.

Even tho I still like him somehow, I think that's a jerk move. I'm pissed off at him but I know 3 words from him and I'd be at his side. That sucks!

I feel like the song "You keep me hanging on", which Quinn sang on Glee

Wow this has to be the fastest I've ever posted in a row

Just after doing that other post I talked to Julien on MSN and asked him to tell me I didn't have a chance. He did exactly what I thought he would do and that's the one thing I didn't want. He said "I will never be able to tell you that it will never work because times change, we never know. But for right now ehm, no I don't think so." Basically that makes me want to get him even more and even more desperate. I know I should move one and that would actually be the way for me to be happy and maybe even for him to like me. But I just simply can't do it. I hate this situation.

I want to go out with him, but at the same time I want to be his friend and not worry about that. Like I can't get him but I don't want to lose his friendship which is exactly what is happening. He doesn't want to reject me or anything but if I keep getting hurt when I'm with him he's going to stop seeing me to try and help me...

I don't know what I'm feeling right now, I feel like crying but it just won't come out. It's like I'm stuck in this stupid situation where I don't know what's going on and I don't want to move either ways because I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision. If I go all out and try to get him, it will probably not work and I'll just end up hurt. But if I get over him and meet someone else and move on, I might miss a chance at a relationship with him that would have been great.

FML

Can't stop thinking about him

For some reason I just can't get Julien out of my head. It's killing me because I know theres nothing happening with him and I know he doesn't have feelings for me but I keep hoping. I thought ending it with him would help me get over him but right now it really seems like it doesn't.

I speak with him and we are friends and that's great but I still want more. I think it might be because he just never actually said that I had no chance of actually going out with him. I really don't know wha to do because I just want to either be over him or going out with him. Everything in my life right now is going great except for that. My relationship with Sam is back to normal, I am starting work soon, I am back on the water and slowly getting my speed back. I feel like just getting this sorted out would just make everything right. I don't know what I need. I just want to ask him plain out to tell me I don't have a chance so I can move on, but at the same time I'm afraid of it. If he tells me that I don't have a chance it will really hurt me. But if he says that I do have a chance, I won't get over him for sure so if it doesn' work out, it'll take twice as long to get over him.

I wish I could just know what to do. How do you guys get over guys? I am terrible at that, hell I still think about my first crush some times and that was a while ago.

please somebody help me...

I can see the light!

Oh the session is almost over1 I calculated what work I had left and I can see that the end is near!

I have two big projects to do and 4 exams left. After that, it's summer time! Yeah yeah!

This summer is going to be awesome. Once exams are done, I have three days to party like a crazy person, than I go back to my parent's house to celebrate my sister's birthday. She is going to be 21 so I'm telling her to go get drunk in the states :P Than I'm spending a couple of days at my parent's house, and I'm coming back to my place for some quality time with friends, I'll organise that one later. Than the summer starts and I will be paddling/working for like 2 months until school starts again.

It's really going to be awesome and I can't wait, this summer is the only thing keeping me focused right now. If I don't think about how this summer is going to be fun, I don't get motivated to work for school. I really just can't wait until this is all over.

Oh yeah! Maude told me today that she was just realising how there were 3 super great guys in her close friends who were gay. She actually said : Nick is really great looking. Julien is a great dancer and you have a golden personality.

I was like : you know thats what they say to the ugly guys like " Oh don't say that, he's really sweet" and stuff like that. It was funny but it sort of got me thinking, what if people are really not interested in me because I don't look that great. Then I realised that I just wasn't really her type (nor Julien's for that matter) because there are a couple of girls who did try to hit on me without actually knowing me (so it couldn't have been my personality). So yeah, that was alot to say nothing :P

IDK these past weeks, I really feel alone sometimes, I just want to have a relationship so bad and nothing is showing up. I tried really hard to make it work with Julien but there was nothing there and I realised I couldn't have one with Nick in like febuary and now it just looks like I'm out of options. I guess we'll see what happens.

Well I guess I'll talk to you guys later.

seeya!